Hey guys. About a year ago I read Dan Savage’s “The Commitment”. The book is about his relationship with his parents, his partner, his son, and most importantly - himself! Its a book about family! Its a book about sex! It’s a book about the decisions we make as an adult and how most of the time, they’re not really about us. It’s about how life is shitty at times (especially for gay kids), but really does get so much better!
I laughed, I cried, I read it in less than a week (a big feat for someone in grad school). It was a great book to read around the holidays, because it reminded me of the shit that is really important. I can’t recommend it enough. If I was wearing makeup and my hair looked nice right now, I would do a video book review (which is something I will do in the future). But until then, go out and get it. Here is a link to amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Commitment-Love-Sex-Marriage-Family/dp/0525949070
Due to factors both personal and company-related, I knew my last job was coming to an end. It was one of those situations where no matter what I tried to accomplish, the company was downsizing and I was going to be laid off. When that day came in mid-August, I was not at all surprised. In fact, I was actually pretty prepared. I had just given up my lovely little one bedroom sublet and moved in with my boyfriend and his roommate. He was starting graduate school in the fall and we determined this would be a way for both of us to save a little money (and also, yay, moving in together!)
As the semester started up for both of us (I am also a grad student), we began participating in that semi-adult routine of chores, gym, homework, social outings with friends, and nights in with a bottle of wine. It was satisfying to not have to get up every morning and go somewhere I didn’t really like. It was easy and nice and felt good to spend the day working out, doing homework, and worrying about what delicious thing we would be eating for dinner. But I knew (and know) that this couldn’t last. Not the domesticity of it, but rather, well — I can’t be a housewife forever.
My graduate school degree is a Masters in Media Studies, with a focus in Media Management. It’s not a degree or a program that will set me up with an immediate career path. It is something that will hopefully increase my salary or the opportunities I have, but still, so very much of the landing of the next job is up to me. And gee, what do I really want?? Soul searching is something I am fond of, but I will readily admit — my soul is undeniably impatient. If I want something, to do something or be something or go somewhere, I want it as soon as possible.
Which is why this 180 is kind of daunting.
I’ve decided to try my hand at acting. Commercial acting. Television. Movies. Webisodes. Student films. I am interested in doing it all.
I’ve always had this secret interest in working in front of the camera. I watch actresses on TV knowing full well that I could do that. I see girls I know or know someone who knows someone in commercials every day. It’s not that I don’t think its hard work, but rather, I think its work I could really excel at. I am adorable and warm and charismatic! I have a look!….
I never really got into acting before because the plays at school were always musicals, and I can’t really sing. In college I was more into activism, and since then, I’ve been more into sustaining my lifestyle and working on a standard “career path”. But something changed recently. I don’t know what it is, but all of the sudden it was like, “Now is the time. Do this, Caitlin”.
Being 26 and starting from zero is going to be my biggest obstacle. I have no acting resume. I haven’t so much as been in a play since high school. I didn’t know what “sides” were until someone asked me if I had them (at my first audition). And don’t even get me started about trying to find an agent…
But what I do have is endless support. A photographer friend took my headshots. An actor friend said he’d pass them along to his guy. A friend in L.A. who works in the business gave me a genuine thumbs up. My boyfriend is all in, my friends are excited for me to experience new things, and my parents are excited for me to be doing something they always thought I should be doing in the first place. I’ve gotten calls for a few auditions and even a call back. I don’t think I would feel this much love if I just went and got another desk job. And I know I certainly wouldn’t be this jazzed myself.
(And thank you so so much, if you’re one of these people).
And that is what is really great about this whole thing. I feel like I am finally being honest with myself, regardless of practicalities. I am not the type of person who can sit at desk making someone else rich, or work in a hostile environment, doing something I don’t care about. I am not saying I will never have a desk job again, or that in six months I won’t be sending out resumes to marketing firms and be excited about that, but right now I am really embracing the part of me that is narcissistic enough to go to the gym every day hoping to have a butt that won’t quit, and hell, write something as self absorbed as this (and I plan on writing a lot more about this whole new world, just fyi).
So what is next? More than anything I need experiences. And if you are reading this and need a twenty-something girl to stand on your set and be silent, I will do it. If you are casting a new web series and want fresh talent, count me in. If your uncle/mother/friend is an agent, shoot me an email and I will thank you forever. If you want to collaborate on a project, I am your gal! I am pumped to get started and go all in. Believe you me.
I am of the opinion that certainty is more important than talent. I am certain that with enough hard work and the right opportunities, I can make this happen for myself. I know I am talented enough to begin with, and can only get better as time goes on.
So, thanks again for the support. And if anyone is looking for a 5’2 brunette, here is my email: email@example.com
"More intelligent children in both studies grew up to drink alcohol more frequently and in greater quantities than less intelligent children. In the Brits’ case, "very bright" children grew up to consume nearly eight-tenths of a standard deviation more alcohol than their "very dull" cohorts."
“Which brings me to my next point,” I said, “Where did this theory begin that hipsters are all rich posers?” I’ve met thousands of them over the years and have yet to meet a soul who lives off a trust fund. (I’ve met plenty of trust-fund kids, but they’re more into being fabulous in Monaco than going to see a punk band.) They have the same amount of money young people have always had: barely any. They don’t drink Pabst because they’re trying to appropriate working-class culture. They’re drinking it because it’s cheap. They drive track bikes because they don’t get stolen. They listen to iPods because it’s the most musical bang for your buck. When you look into modern youth culture and examine all the criticisms, one truth becomes impossible to ignore: Today’s kids are the best. They are savvier, better connected, more informed, less consumerist and more capable of everything—including partying—than my generation or yours. Believe me, cassette tapes were a fucking pain in the ass.”—Gavin McInnes, http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/hey-teacher-leave-those-kids-alone/